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Holiday Bonus Episode: Surviving your family during the holidays.

December 20, 2019

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Megan :                                00:03                     Hi, this is Megan Guido with What's your MO in Healthcare and today we're going to shift out of talking about the dynamics of healthcare and we're going to talk about how color code can help you survive the holidays with your family. So you're going home for the holidays. Are you excited or dreading it? Family dynamics are hard and spending compressed time with family in one location is stressful. It can bring up all kinds of stuff. Whether you're a young adult who's sleeping in your old bedroom that's being turned into an office or it's figuring out how to talk to a new member of your family that you really don't even know. It can get pretty uncomfortable. Color Code, the personality assessment that helps you understand people's core motives and what drives them, can help. It won't necessarily relieve all of your discomfort, but it can help you understand why your family members are behaving the way they are and hopefully give you an opportunity to give them some grace.

Megan :                                01:04                     Remember, you are spending time with people you may know well or you may not know at all. Now if you have the benefit of knowing the family member, well you may even know their MO or what drives them and that's great. For instance, mom is a Red and she wants to control all the activities. "We're doing a Secret Santa this year. We're having eggnog and singing carols on Christmas Eve and then we're opening presents at 9:00 AM on Christmas day followed by brunch. Reds like to run the show but isn't that nice though? You can sit back and enjoy it. Embrace the opportunity not to have to make a lot of decisions and embrace the opportunity to spend time with your family members instead of trying to manage the activities yourself. You don't want to get into a control battle or a fight.

New Speaker:                    01:53                     Speaking of fights, your Blue brother may bring up an old argument that wasn't resolved.

Megan :                                01:59                     Blues hang onto things for a long time. They do this for a number of reasons. First, they may not feel like the issue is resolved or that there is an injustice that must be corrected. Second, they may be personally hurt or bothered by what they perceive as a moral injustice. They are driven to address it because it's hurting the intimacy of the relationship and that's what drives their existence. Try to have patience with the Blue. You can always suggest that you understand that the argument was hurtful or the interaction was disappointing or it's an issue that yes you agree needs to be resolved, but that the holidays are not necessarily the ideal time to do that. So suggest a different time when it can be addressed.

New Speaker:                    02:46                     So what about your new daughter-in-law who you're pretty sure is a white personality. You're trying to get to know her but she's really quiet or you find her hiding in the bedroom or watching TV when family activities are going on. You may think really that's kind of rude.

Megan :                                03:03                     Why doesn't she interact with the family? Remember, White personalities can get overwhelmed by too much activity or a lot of noise and if you have a particularly roucus family, the White personality is going to withdraw. They will observe and they'll spend time with you. But they do need some downtime. So don't take it personally. It's not a snub, it's just survival. If there is any conflict that arises amongst the family, most likely the White personality is going to avoid it, leave the room. Or if they can't physically leave the room, they may even try to mediate and help find a diplomatic solution to the issue. And that's a good thing. You want to listen to her.

New Speaker:                    03:48                     And what about your crazy aunt? If she's a yellow, her eccentricity may be when she really shines. She loves Christmas time and holidays. This is her time to be with people and to really shine. Embrace her spontaneity and her charisma.

Megan :                                04:04                     People are drawn to that charisma and creativity. Don't count on them to get everything perfect during the holidays. So you may actually sit down to eat at 9:00 PM instead of 7:00 PM but go with the flow and jump in to help. A Yellow will welcome it and you'll always have a good time making that stuffing or wrapping presents, even if it's at midnight. If you are a controlling Red or Blue, practice deep breathing and recognize that it doesn't have to be perfect.

New Speaker:                    04:33                     So I want to wrap up this special bonus Color Code podcast with a quote from Victor Frankel. And he said, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." So in Color Code vernacular, that really translates to taking a hundred percent responsibility for the relationship. Remember, you can't change your family, but you can change how you respond to them. You have the choice and the power to find joy in that space known as the holidays.

New Speaker:                    05:10                     So with that, I do wish you a happy holiday. And this is Megan Guido with "What's your MO in Healthcare?"